Lots of times, after a breakup, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will remain in some sort of contact with you.
It’s painful to see them, it hurts to hear from them. At the same time though, you’re willing to welcome just about anything your ex does, because you still love them and so very badly want them back.
But what about when your ex sends mixed signals?
What does it mean when your ex tells you they “still love you” or “will always have feelings for you” one minute, but then completely ignore you or tell you to go away the next?
Is there anything to all these back and forth emotions? Is your ex just being cruel, turning his or her feelings on and off like a faucet?
When Your Ex is Hot One Minute… Cold the Next
There are a number of behaviors you will get from your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend after they end their relationship with you. Some of them are intentional. Others are purely because your ex just doesn’t know what to do. Remember that even though they’re the one who broke up with you, your former lover is still going through a lot of the same withdrawal symptoms and bad feelings that you are.
So what do all these signals mean? Let’s examine them one by one:
My Ex is Completely Ignoring Me
In this case, your ex dumps you and then appears to have completely moved on. They don’t call. They don’t text. They don’t ‘like’ your Facebook or Instagram posts anymore. In short, it’s like you’re not even there. Like suddenly, after how much you loved this person? You’re a GHOST to them.
Being ignored is one of the most painful experiences following a breakup. It can make you feel as if you mean nothing to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. It can invalidate all your feelings of love, it can wipe away the memories you shared together as if they never happened. It feels cruel. Awful.
But why would an ex ignore you like this? Are they doing it specifically to hurt you?
Not even close.
See, your ex made a very difficult decision when he or she decided to break up with you. And it’s not one they took lightly.
Believe it or not, seeing you, talking to you, even hearing from you is tough for them.
Even something as innocent as a friendly “Hi, how are you?” text message can hurt your ex just as much as it hurts you.
So rather than put themselves through the pain of having to deal with rehashing their decision? Your ex decides to break all contact with you.
This doesn’t mean your ex doesn’t love you. Not by a longshot. But it does mean they’re not ready to hear from you right now, and that any continued efforts to get in touch with them on your part will only push them further in the opposite direction.
The more you call? The further they run. The more you text, or drive by your ex’s house, or stalk them on the internet? The more distant and cold the person will be toward you. It’s a defensive mechanism. And it’s nothing personal.
“I Still Love You, But I Can’t Be With You Right Now”
When an ex gives you this line, it’s not anywhere near what he or she is really saying. In more simple terms, here’s the translation:
“I’d like to see other people. But I want YOU to wait around for me, so that if my new single life is a failure, I can always come back to you for friendship or sex or comfort.”
So yeah, your ex is basically blowing you off to try dating other people. They’ll never admit this of course, which is why they surround themselves with such mystery.
Your ex might call you at weird times, or text-message you and not answer you back. He or she will pretty much make their own schedule, which revolves around doing whatever the hell they want. And when you press them for details, or ask “when” you might get back together again? They scoff at you, tell you you’re smothering them, or that they “need time alone”.
NEVER allow your ex to have this much power. Putting your relationship in limbo while you hang on for any table scraps your boyfriend or girlfriend might throw your way makes you seem utterly desperate and therefore unattractive. Your ex isn’t likely to date you anytime soon when he or she knows you’ll come running like a dog whenever called. And they’re certainly not going to re-enter a long-term relationship with someone this desperate and subservient to them.
Your Ex Has Sex With You But Won’t Get Back Together
You might think that having sex with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend will help get them back. After all, part of the reconciliation process is sleeping with one another again, and you probably aren’t exactly sure when the right time to do it might be.
But when your ex is using you for sex? That’s never going to lead to a permanent relationship again. Not if you’re giving them the physical and emotional comfort of having sex with you, but without any of the strings attached from being boyfriend and girlfriend.